“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.” Don Vito Corleone, The Godfather.
The impact of parental decisions on children cannot be overemphasized hence addressing issues about parenting till there is a major difference all around us is imperative. In my last post, I concluded with a statement that ‘the promise of giving children the best should include encouraging them to have a healthy and positive outlook in life.’ This statement brought a story to mind that I wish to share with you this week. This story is not fictitious; it happened to real people that I know.
A man who had given birth to four children (a boy and three girls) in Nigeria relocated abroad and married another woman without disclosing to her that he was married before. The wife in the UK is also from Nigeria but she had long relocated to the UK permanently. Several years into the marriage, she discovered the truth that her ‘eternally’ caring husband had left four children with a wife in Nigeria. Meanwhile, she had been trying for a child for close to two decades without luck.
She felt betrayed but she didn’t let go of him. She didn’t let go because they love each other, they have a mortgage (property) between them and of course letting go would mean she has wasted her productive life with him for nothing. Besides, she didn’t know anything about the family he left suffering in Nigeria. There must have been little or no communication between them because since he left Nigeria in the early 90s, he hasn’t set foot in Nigeria again.
The wife saddled with four children in Nigeria must have had a tough life taking care of four children all by herself. The poor, innocent children must have wondered what their fault was in everything. Now they are adults, but can you imagine them growing up not knowing their father despite him being alive? The pain they must have suffered knowing he doesn’t care?
Each time I remember the story; I couldn’t help but feel sad that an educated man could leave four innocent children just to secure dual citizenship. Though I am not his child, I need answers to why an adult could have acted so irresponsibly!
1 – What could be his reason for abandoning his children?
2 – It is not impossible that he took the coward way out of his previous marriage but what did the children do wrong to deserve being neglected / rejected this way?
3 – Is ruining six or seven lives (his own inclusive) worth the achievement of dual citizenship?
I would like you to think from the perspective of being one of the children he abandoned when answering.